Thanks Toilet!

I woke early this morning and thought ‘thank goodness we have a toilet’. My mind showed me times while were travelling in the past two years of just having to find ‘any place’.

I lost most of my finicky requirements of a clean bathroom. One has to travelling cheaply in Asia. Its hard to find toilet paper in most places. The floors can be so filthy, its like the whole space for the toilet is a toilet.

When we lived in the Ambassador Van, we had to go where we could go. At least it wasn’t Norway in the winter in these moments. It could always have been worse, right?

But it had me thinking, how often do we give honest to goodness thanks and appreciation for the ‘basic’ things we have? Running water. Sometimes I turn the tap on, and water runs out – and my mind flashes to stories of women of my mother’s age, when they say they had to go down the river to get buckets full and lug it back home. When they used to have to fetch water from the well. These memories are in our mother’s life time – and it still happens in lucky parts of the world. In the unlucky places, there is no water.

But this is not about guilt. Its just about appreciation. Thanks. Gratitude.

And today, I’m really grateful for my toilet.

What about you? What have you been grateful for today?

The TV of the Mind

What gets the highest rating in your TV mind? What gets the most views? Are there repeats from the past that are always dependable for full concentration and energy? Is it just shoes and breasts, depending on your gender?

I was laughing at myself the other day. I was caught off guard.

I was walking down the street to the supermarket. Its a busy road. I was happy, but my happiness attracted a certain attention that I became intensely aware of. I stopped feeling happy, and became aware and sensitive and then I laughed at myself, dropped my slightly risen rib cage, let the wind shake my hair and I let it go. I thought to myself, ha, got you.

Then I was in the supermarket and straight in front of me was the tall figure of a well built man who gave me one of those looks and I felt this creeping female power rising. I haven't felt that for a few years. The urge to become a prize worth the male’s advances.

It caught me unaware and I quickly hid behind the laundry detergent until the Spanish words had turned themselves into a soothing blur. I walked home with a little less spring in my step, laughing a little to myself, but my mind was sharp and watchful and I remembered 'be ever vigilant'. Watching the TV of the mind - that part is ok. But when the images give rise to that sorrow, that sensation, that coveted desire... this is the moment of test. And to watch ourselves get caught up with the tangles of the mind, and then slowly un-knot ourselves.

With gratitude to OS

Our Insect Friends

For the past couple of months, seemingly out of nowhere, we’ve had unexpected insect guests in our apartment. We live in the middle of a little big city and the most we usually spy is a lost fly or a wayward mosquito.

However, we’ve been noticing, a random wasp, or moth, or beetle, or some little creepy crawly.

Albert and Jett jump up and cry ‘what will we do with it?’ reaching for a rolled up newspaper, but I, coming from the land down under, calmly (especially under pressure) rescue the little bug and let it out the window.

Today I was going through the box of vegetables and realised that this organic box of fresh vegetables we took from the country every Wednesday evening, was the obvious transport for these random insects. Obviously. It all made sense.

Last night, I caught a moth in my hands. It was quite big. I didn’t like the feeling of its wings battering against my hands. I tried to be as gentle as possible and took it to the window.

It had me thinking – moths, attracted to electric lights, or fire, the ‘wrong’ light – and singeing its wings. We, humans, getting caught up in ‘the wrong’ light. A different light. Forgetting for a moment that the light we were searching for is much bigger, much brighter and more encompassing. Like the moth and the moon. The moth will go out into the night and follow the brightness of the moon and meet other moths and gather together and follow its destiny. If it doesn’t get caught by a cheap electric light on a street corner instead.

Hmmm. All that glitters is not gold.

Right Now, You Are Where You're Suppose To Be

(or you wouldn’t be there)

How hard is it to accept, that this is where you are suppose to be? In this apartment, in this house, in this country, with these people, with this job or lack of job, and reading this right now. Everything at this moment, is exactly right.

Because it is.

Perhaps our mind tells us that we deserve a better life, a better husband, a better child, a better best friend, a better job, a kinder city. Perhaps you’ve always felt misplaced. The mind is powerful. The mind wants you to be a part from what is, so that it can be.

And it creates suffering, and pain, and frustration and disappointment.

Let’s look at our expectations of our life. Ten years ago, did you think you would be where you are now? Twenty years ago?

How could your mind possibly know what was going to happen and create all the circumstances so that you got exactly what you wanted? And surprise, surprise, if you did get it – are you any happier? What we wish for is often not what we really want, once we’ve got it.

Right here – at the moment in time, is exactly where you need to be. This is the key to simple happiness. Start with where you’re sitting. Notice the chair/sofa. Notice the noises around, the music, the birds, the cars. It is. Its life. Life can not be controlled by mere willing.

Scary to think of all the things we can’t control. But in facing the fear of the unknown – in facing this special fear, we have a chance at touching something so holy within the centre of each one of us. A sacred centre of stillness and peace. A place where sages sing of butterfly wings and eternal love.

Smile I might, but joke I do not.

Accept things, just as they are, right now. This face, the body. This chair, this apartment, this house, these people, these noises, the family, the friends, the work opportunities. Accept it – just for the moment.

Breath it in, and let the hardness that says ‘this is NOT me’ drop away. Be soft. Be real. Don’t be a projection of will and demands and ego. Be still. Be soft. Be in the moment so you can feel that tiny movement of air across your cheek and along your neck.

Smile. Be here. This is really more than good enough.

Can I Love You?

Can I love you?

Can I love you today?

Can I love you after the illusion has faded away?

Can I love you now, that the gilt has worn down?

Can I love you today?

After all of the disappointments, the lies, the frustrations, the angry words?

Can I love you, truly, with no string attached?

Can I love you, because you are you?

Can I love you without asking for something in return, like honesty, or forgiveness?

Can I love you, anyway?

Can I love you, knowing who you are?

Can I love you, knowing what you’ve said and done?

Can I love you, after making me suffer?

Can I love you at all?

Can I love you after all my tears are dry?

Can I love you when all that is left is a sigh?

Can I love you, more fully than before?

Can I love you after feeling my heart break?

Can I love you, even after that?

Perhaps, it is said, that only when the heart breaks open, can it fit in a little more. Perhaps that little more is the ‘real’ you I never acknowledged. The you I denied in my blindness for my ideal.

Let me release my wants. Let me let go of my expectations. Let me see the truth, and love it, and you, because it is. Let me be free from the tangles of my mind and free in the expression of Love.

Amen